If you’re feeling snarky, skip this post. It probably won’t do much for you.

That said, take a look at this video:

Edward Boches pointed to the video as a reminder to be patient with one’s parents. I was reminded of something else–someone else. A mentor I had named Marla.

We had almost nothing in common. She was 65 years my senior, wore polyester with pride, and mentioned her dead husband at every turn. Marla also had a thriving case of Alzheimer’s. It was as if her memories had been strung together like tiny beads on an 84 year-long necklace only to scatter in gleaming rivulets when the string was cut. The disease wasn’t content to just cut the necklace. Before Marla had a chance to recover her memories most of them disappeared.

Not all the memories were lost though. If you’ve ever broken a necklace or spilled a bag of rice you already know that tiny things can be hard to clean up. Alzheimer’s had difficulty swiffering up all of Marla’s memories. There were still a few to be found and I was often the one listening when she found a memory. It was through those shared memories and the time around them that Marla taught me so much.

Why do I mention a little old lady with a failing brain in a post about mentorship? Because we are all, at this very moment, struggling with something. Each of us also has something to offer. True mentorship, in my estimation, connects people with complimentary strengths.

When I knew Marla, I was an insecure kid with a strong mind while she, in spite of her failing brain, knew how to be content. Marla didn’t stop trying to make great memories even though she knew they’d be gone as soon as they’d appeared. She never gave up. I continue to find her strength inspiring and her sudden bursts of thought entirely memorable.

One time, Marla asked me if I was seeing anybody. I said that I was but didn’t think it would work in the long term. Her response: “Is she missing a leg or something bad like that?”

Sometimes mentorship is just about gaining another perspective on something.

Marla always gave me that.

Just a few thoughts on a quiet evening. What’s your take?

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photo: wolfgang staut

Here’s an extraordinary advertisement that tells one girl’s story: [video]

Do you identify with her story in some way? I did. Struggle, disappointment, rejection, and eventual triumph in spite of great odds are things we can all relate to. There are many times when I’ve felt I lacked the talent, equipment, and experience to make something beautiful happen. I know what it feels like to walk onto a stage, uncertain of the outcome, and experience the joy of having everything turn out okay. (I’ve never had a chance to do the hair-tossing bit though. Not enough hair.)

If a shampoo company finds value in advertising that isn’t directly about shampoo, is it possible that you might find value in telling stories that aren’t about you? I think so.

It’s not enough to just grab any old story and tell it. You need to find a story that resonates with a message you want your brand to be known for. In Pantene’s case, they told a story that shares a message of shining strength in the face of unfriendly circumstances. Is it a bit of a stretch to say that a shampoo might give your hair shining strength in spite of adverse conditions? I don’t think so. It’s a pretty good match, in fact. That’s why the ad works.

Malcolm Gladwell is a great example of an individual who has created tremendous value for his audience by sharing the stories of others. [see Gladwell's TED presentation on The Story Of Spaghetti Sauce] The Spaghetti Sauce story is a bit long but its message is one of innovation, risk-taking, and tenacious creativity. Gladwell’s personal story has a similar message but he can only tell it so many times before it seems stale and uninteresting. So what does he do? Like the shampoo company, he tells stories that contain elements his audience will recognize and associate with his brand.

Let’s take a look at what happens with each example:

Pantene tells us the story of a brilliant and tough little girl who triumphs in spite of hardship – We engage with that story and identify elements that align with what we already know about the Pantene brand. Instead of telling us how to wash our hair, (which we can’t engage with) Pantene tells us a compelling story with a message we recognize and connect with the shampoo. (In so doing, they find a way to get customers to engage with a shampoo. Interesting, no?)

Gladwell tells us about a man who decided to create different types of spaghetti sauce – We engage with that story and identify parts of the message that seem similar to what we already know of Gladwell. Instead of telling us, “You need to be innovative and energetic in your creativity,” Gladwell engages us with a story about a man we can model ourselves after. Telling a story that isn’t about the storyteller allows an audience to focus on a message instead of worrying about being sold to or the overall take-away of a presentation.

How do you put this concept into action? With 3-4-5:

3 Reasons you should tell stories that aren’t just about you

1. Because you’re not really that interesting on your own – Even people with lots of money, free time, and a wild past can be boring. In fact, they’re usually quite boring. It’s unlikely that you’re an exception. We’re just too polite to say it to your face.
2. Because we don’t want to just talk about you – It’s difficult for us to engage in a conversation that is entirely about you. We worry about offending you if we express disagreement or inflating your ego if we sound out a praise.
3. Because we’d like to think you care about us – When you tell stories that aren’t just about you, we get the feeling that you’re interested in something other than your own personal gain. We like that feeling.

4 Places to find stories

• Social media – Twitter, Facebook, and other online social networking sites offer friend-filtered content discovery in real time.
• Traditional media – Newspapers, magazines, books, radio, and television (sometimes) present a less frenetic way to discover content. It’s not as fast as social media but you may find that your retention of the stories you do read is much higher. That’s key if you plan on sharing the story later.
• The people around you – Every time you interact with another person, you have a chance to add another story to your arsenal. Ask thoughtful questions and people will give you answers. Learn to thoughtfully listen and those same people will share stories you never dreamed you’d hear.
• Your imagination – Allegories, parables, and fairy tales have long been used to share a message in an interesting narrative form. If you can’t find a story with a message you like, go ahead and make one up. Just make sure to let your audience know at some point that you concocted the tale!

5 Ways to share stories

1. In your conversations – Instead of saying, “Here’s what I think,” try sharing a story that imparts your message and follow it up with, “What do you think?” Your story need not be long–and probably shouldn’t be–in order to make a point. Just give a quick summary and ask for a reply. You might be surprised at the positive responses such an approach will garner.
2. On your blog – Take a break from pumping “me-content” for a few posts of “you-content.” Give your readers a break from your opinions and tell them a story that inspires you or caused you to think.
3. Through your lifestream – Instead of answering Twitter’s, “what are you doing?” try updating in response to, “what are others doing that inspires you or makes you think?” Take time off from talking about where you are or what photos you just took to share in the world around you. There’s joy to be found in such things.
4. In your promotions – Planning a marketing blitz? Take a look at your past campaigns and check to see if you’ve already talked too long about the features of your product or service. It might be time to follow the soap companies’ example and share a story.
5. In your presentations - Watch Gladwell’s presentation on spaghetti sauce and give some thought as to how you might go about incorporating stories into your presentations. If you’ve got a bit of time on your hands, take a stroll around the TED site and keep track of the presenters who use stories about others to make a point. It’s interesting to note how those who do tell stories about others often get the best responses from the audience. Coincidence? Unlikely.

I hope you’ll give it a try!

“If a story is not about the hearer, he will not listen. And here I make a rule—a great and interesting story is about everyone or it will not last.” –John Steinbeck

Whose story are you telling?

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photo credit: lil abe, stuck in customs, you-did, ange soleil

Have you seen this refreshingly creative take on “walking down the aisle” that’s taken Youtube by storm?

I had a silly grin on my face when I finished watching this. (Thanks, Lisa) The production quality is low, the smiles are high and the music is turned way up. It’s perfect for YouTube.

There’s just one problem. It doesn’t matter how creative the idea is, how perfectly it’s executed, or how many views rack up on YouTube. The video only works because the song, “Forever” by Chris Brown, is the soundtrack and there’s no mention of a licensing agreement with Jive Records.

Within the next 500k views, a take-down request will most likely be submitted by Jive Records to YouTube and the happily married couple will face an “intro to disappointment” moment in their marriage. The reality is simple: they used a song in their production that they didn’t have rights to use. Is it hard to see such a fresh idea go to waste over such a stale notion? Sure. But that’s how the system works right now.

There’s one lesson to be learned here: Don’t limit the reach of your idea by ignoring necessary licensing procedures.

It’s a great video. Enjoy it while you can.

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photo: fevi in cayman

When you complain about a product or service you’re unsatisfied with, do you make a point to sound different from all the other unhappy customers?

There’s a certain structure and tone that every customer service representative expects to read in a complaint. (Because most of the consumer-corporate conversations that happen online occur in writing, I’ll focus primarily on written complaints here.) Color within the lines and you’ll be treated like any other unhappy customer. You’ll be at the mercy of inane procedures and quickly transform into the punching bag for Customer Service Associate #3762, Jennifer, who is having a bad day. Not interested in that? Learn what Jennifer expects from you and put some effort into surprising her. The results can be spectacular.

How do customer service representatives expect you to complain? Keep reading.

Here’s a complaint I received via email yesterday:

Hey Seth,
I am following you on Twitter and have been for a while but have not gotten a follow back from you. I am going through my account today, doing a little house cleaning. I don’t want to un-follow you so, please, begin following me so we can keep communicating.
Thanks,
(Let’s call him Mike)

I was spittingly incredulous at first. I’d never interacted with Mike on any level before and yet here he was, telling me how to behave? I wondered if the email was some sort of joke sent by a mischievous colleague. It turned out to be a legitimate email.

My first impulse was to write a nasty (nasty–the kind with mean words) reply telling Mike just what I thought of his approach to social networking.

Then I took a moment to reflect on the situation.

I decided to break the email’s message down into its basic parts:

• “Have been for awhile–not gotten a follow back” — Mike remarks on his investment in our relationship. He reminds me that he’s not acting on a whim and feels that he gave me ample time to hold up my end of the bargain.
• “Doing a little house cleaning” — Mike lets me know that he’s serious about unfollowing me. So serious that he conjures up images of dust bunnies fleeing from a hungry vacuum in order to make his point.
• “I don’t want to un-follow you” — Mike makes it clear that he’d prefer not to carry out his threat. He’s only unfollowing because I’m forcing him to.
• “Begin following me so we can keep communicating” — Mike presents me with a single-option road map to success and a reminder of how much I’ll miss if I don’t follow his instructions to the letter.

As I considered reasons why this particular email annoyed me so much, I realized something: I’d encountered this sort of letter before! Many times in fact. The note about my Twitter behavior followed the same format as every other complaint letter I’d ever read. Many of the written complaints customer service professionals deal with on a daily basis can be outlined as follows:

1. [Listen to me] – “I’ve been a customer for years” – The customer qualifies the complaint by remarking on a history of patronage.
2. [Don't think badly of me] – “I’ve never complained before“ – The customer makes a point to soften the tone. (Most people don’t want to be seen as rabid curmudgeons.) The level of softening varies depending on the personality of the customer. You can usually find at least a few apologetic words in each letter.
3. [Here's my side] – “Something went wrong” – This is usually the long part of the letter. It tends to start with a discussion about a problem with a product or service then quickly turns into a narrative about various people and the things they said. Your average customer doesn’t view writing letters as a first option. In my experience, a written letter of complaint only appears after at least three failed conversations have taken place between company representatives and the customer. Most customers regard a failure to connect (hours on hold, lost emails, rescheduled meetings, etc) as a failed conversation.
4. [The threat] – “I’m rethinking my decision to be your customer” – The customer states a desire to find satisfaction. As that satisfaction has not been found under the current circumstances, the customer is looking elsewhere. Personal anecdotes are often mentioned at this point. For example, “My friend, Marcie, bought her blender from [competitor] and never had a problem like this.” The word “respect” often comes up at this point. It doesn’t always mean what you’d expect it to.
5. [The offer of resolution] – “Please do precisely this and such in order to make me happy” – At the end of the letter, the customer often lays out a plan through which satisfaction can be found without the the provider “losing” the customer’s business. This is the part where expectations sometimes run wild and requests that would have been unimaginable before communication broke down seem like realistic expectations.

While you still have the outline in your mind, lets take another quick look at Mike’s email to see how it compares to the stereotype:

Hey Seth,
I am following you on Twitter and have been for a while but have not gotten a follow back from you. I am going through my account today, doing a little house cleaning. I don’t want to un-follow you so, please, begin following me so we can keep communicating.
Thanks,
“Mike”

Aside from a lack of narrative, which makes sense because Mike and I have never interacted before, Mike’s email follows the expected outline completely. His message is short-sighted, one-sided, demanding, and fails to recognize my side of the story or even ask for my thoughts.

Now that you know how Jennifer expects you to complain, what’s a simple way to surprise her? By turning the outline on its head and expressing your concern in a remarkable fashion.

How to complain with class? Try these:

1. Start by seeking a solution — NOBODY expects you to be patient, listen, and take a proactive approach. Use this to your advantage.
2. Take notes – From jotting down an action plan to brainstorming for alternate solutions, note-taking is a tried and true method of adding clarity to a situation.
3. Avoid threats — It’s common knowledge that you’ll probably go elsewhere if things don’t work out. No need to rub it in anybody’s face.
4. Minimize narrative — Present your story with an eye for needed facts only. Using harsh words and a sharp tone serves only to bring more emotions into the situation.
5. Proofread your letter/post – Have a smart friend read your complaint over and suggest edits for clarity and tone.

Whenever you make an effort to improve communication, chase solutions instead of people, and listen first, you’ll find that positive results have a way of seeking you out. Sound good? I thought so.

Now, two questions.

• Have you ever written a letter of complaint? If so, did it follow the stereotypical outline? What was the result of your letter?
• What do you think I should say in my reply to the email from Mike?

Thanks for your thoughts. Stay classy!

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Photo credits: Adam Selwood, trodas,

“Twitter is what you make of it.”

I hear the phrase daily from new users. Of course, those masticating on their new-found Twitter treat are right. I hate to say it, but they are. Speaking of hating newfinders, why do we so often resent people who discover something long after we’ve swum in its delights? Shouldn’t we gladly welcome them?

As we welcome all the new users and celebrate their enthusiasm, I’d like to ask you something:

What are you making of Twitter?

I get a kick out of asking questions on Twitter. (Facebookers and Myspacers, you’re lovely people but most of you have 12-36hr response times. Sorry, but I’m dealing with a TV-dinner-shaped attention span here.)

Sunday evening I thought it’d be a wondrous time to ask the brilliant minds on Twitter a thoughtful question: (I thought it was, at least.)

Imagine what your answer would be to my question. Do you have a 140-character response fixed in your mind? Excellent!

Rick Wolff took the time to craft the following:

I’m pretty certain you didn’t see that one coming. I know I didn’t.

That’s the beauty of Twitter. If you’ve not used the service before, imagine what it’d be like if every text message you sent was copied to every one of your phone contacts. You are also copied on every text they send. That’s Twitter. It’s mayhem. Like most mayhem involving people, the results are unreliable and the rubbish smells enough to make the beauty hard to swallow at times.

That is, until a complete stranger tells you that your brain is a fish tank.

If my brain is a fish tank and my ideas are fish that swim around in it, I have a lot of questions to answer.

• Am I careful to change the water regularly so my ideas stay healthy and clearly defined?
• Do I keep many tiny fish or do just a few big fish that eat everything in their path?
• Should I give my fish away, keep them for myself, or sell them to the highest bidder?

When somebody tells you your brain is a fish tank, questions like that just come up naturally.

Have you tried asking thoughtful questions on Twitter or other social media platforms? You probably won’t receive thousands of retweets, likes, thumbs-up, etc. But the responses you do get will often be thoughtful, insightful, and sometimes downright awesome. Give it a try!

Is there something you’ve been thinking about that you’d like my take on? Drop me a question in a comment. I look forward to our conversation!

Click to feed the Twitter fish!

photo: alan stoddard

What pronoun do you use in your writing when referring to a generic person? Him, her, their?

I came across the following in a post on ReadWriteWeb:

The first time I heard the term “thought leader”, I thought, “Now there’s a cool concept: someone who is able to assert influence and change outcomes through the sheer force and power of her ideas.” (excerpt from Cartoon: Thought Leaders)

The author chose to use the feminine pronoun “her” to describe the nonspecific “someone” in the piece. There are a few reasons one might take issue with such usage:

1. The default pronoun used to describe nonspecific persons in the English language is masculine.
2. Using the feminine pronoun, while acceptable, is a departure from common usage and causes distraction.
3. Changing pronouns is often done as an afterthought in the name of political correctness at the expense of clear, approachable writing.

I asked my followers on Twitter to give me their thoughts on the subject. Here are just a few of their replies:

Following Darla’s suggestion of removing the pronoun, the rewrite reads, “…someone who is able to assert influence and change outcomes through the sheer force and power of [] ideas.” I like that. It truly is a stronger sentence without the pronoun. But deleting pronouns is an unreliable road to stronger writing. We need a solution.

I think we’ll find that solution in the midst of strong ideas thoughtfully expressed with a consistent voice.

I’ve discovered that the more concrete examples I use in my writing, the less time I spend worrying about nuance and vague references. When I talk about general ideas, gender rarely comes into play. When I write about specific people, I often find it a simple matter to reference them with an accurate pronoun.

What about you? Do you think differently of writers who use certain pronouns? Do you find it annoying or refreshing when a writer jumps between “her” and “him” in the same article? I’ve got thick skin and hope to learn from you so fire away with any thoughts you might have!

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Are you taking steps to protect your personal information online? 100% protection is, to be completely honest, impossible. However, there are steps you can take to shift the possibility of your personal information falling into the wrong hands from “likely” to “very unlikely.”

To put online security in simple terms: Let’s suppose a burglar wanted to go through your house and take everything of value. We’ll pretend you have a giant house with sturdy doors you keep locked at all times. Your possessions are still vulnerable to a thief who goes around breaking into houses with a crane and wrecking ball, but it’s unlikely that you’ll encounter such a thief. Your main concern is to keep your stuff safe from regular thieves just trying to make a quick score. In order to do that, you simply need to make it more difficult and time-consuming to break into your house than any comparable house in the neighborhood.

Here are a few tips to help you make life difficult for information thieves online:

1. Use a different password for each account

This one might seem like a no-brainer. Unfortunately, it’s one of the most commonly overlooked ways of improving security online. It’s easy to get caught up in the rush of “new stuff” and use the same password for multiple platforms. However, doing so is dangerous because attackers need only break into one of your accounts to access all of them.

2. Avoid passwords consisting of real words

Be creative and mix things up with passwords that include letters, numbers, symbols, and varied capitalization. Thieves aren’t very good at guessing passwords that don’t make sense. Use this to your advantage and avoid passwords that include words you’d find in a dictionary or combinations of your name and birth date or phone number.

3. Manage your passwords in an offline document

Think of this document as a secret box that contains a key to every room in your house. If you can protect the document with a password, all the better! Reduce the chances of your document being found by naming it something completely un-passwordish. “Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening” is a good name. (Hackers find Robert Frost quite boring.)

If you prefer an added level of security, write your passwords down on paper and keep them separate from your computer. One of my programmer friends keeps a list of all his passwords on a piece of paper in his desk. He’s made daily password changes a part of his morning ritual by changing the password of each program as he signs in for the first time that day. Each new password is written on a piece of paper and locked in his desk at the end of the day. In order to directly access those passwords, a hacker would need to enter the office building where my friend works, break into his office, and pry open the desk drawer. Is his approach on the extreme side? Yes. But so is his need to keep important information secure.

4. Answer security questions with silly answers

Many platforms offer a secondary level of safety in the form of security questions. Most of them ask for your mother’s maiden name, the name of a childhood pet, or the name of a favorite teacher. The real answers to those questions are often only a few guesses away. As such, the key to a security question’s strength lies in your ability to choose what the platform will take as a “correct” answer. If you think a hacker would have trouble guessing that the correct answer to, “What is the name of your favorite teacher?” is “OlarbearP37!” you’d be right.

5. Keep important files on a detachable drive

The logic is simple: if it’s not on a computer with web access, a hacker can’t steal it. This method won’t protect your data from absentminded behavior or physical theft though. Musician Imogen Heap recently ran into issues with her data protection plan when she lost a detachable hard drive containing many of the music files needed for her upcoming album. The hard drive turned up two weeks later when she went to wash a load of laundry and found the drive in the bottom of her laundry basket. =)

The Bonus Round:

• Make a habit of checking the URL before entering your password on a site. (Protect yourself from sites pretending to be a legitimate site just to get your information.)
• Lifestreaming is fun but there’s no need to tell people when you’re leaving your house for a few hours. (There’s such a thing as too much transparency.)
• If you wouldn’t do something in real life, don’t do it online. (Advice about following your heart and throwing caution to the wind rarely serves one well online.)

Remember, if a password is easy for you to recall, it will be easy for a hacker to guess.

I know it might seem really boring and tedious to go about switching passwords and moving documents. But information theft is very real and the little bit of time and energy it takes to secure your data online is well worth your effort.

If you have any thoughts, tips to add, or would like to correct me on something, I’d appreciate your input. Thanks, and stay safe!

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photo: mirkomakari