I’ve been reading Josef Pieper’s Happiness & Contemplation. Take a gander at this quote from page 73:

What constitutes contemplation? First: silent perception of reality. Second: not thinking, but intuition; intuition is knowledge of what is present. Third: knowing accompanied by amazement. Only one who does not see the whole can be amazed.

I added the emphasis to the last portion because it resonates so strongly with me.

So often I am cloaked in this undulating shroud of ungrateful discontent. So often I see a person or set of circumstances and am immediately drawn into an examination of the wrong and lacking in the situation. Why? Because I forget or willfully overlook the fact that I do not see the whole of the matter at hand.

It’s easy to find her annoying until I try to comprehend the greater whole and, realizing I do not see it all, am surprised that she puts up with my behavior and does not find me simple-minded. I can be amazed only after recognizing that there are parts of the situation I do not comprehend.

It’s so comfortable to look at just a few inputs and decide that a project is stupid and not worth my time. But when I step back and try to comprehend the expectations, investments, and disappointments of all involved, I see that my initial declaration of waste was based on an incredibly limited perspective.

Approaching situations with “knowing accompanied by amazement,” that is, my existing knowledge tempered by the understanding that I cannot entirely grasp the whole, is something I’m trying to do more of.

It’s something to think about, to remember, or to possibly forget immediately. The choice is yours.

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In the interest of disclosure: I am not currently seeking nor do I intend to seek marriage or other civil partnership with any individual of current acquaintance.

That said, I’m still thinking about how I’d like to construct a prenup. Here are my initial thoughts:

• I’ve often heard that you cannot sign a prenup if you are truly marrying for love. I get where that idea comes from but I disagree. I think it’s good to have one’s “final papers” in order before it’s too late. Think of a prenup as you would a clearly marked fire escape in a restaurant. Fewer than 50% of restaurants burn down (clearly outpacing divorce rates) and yet most of use would feel uncomfortable if we didn’t have a way to get out in case of fire.
• Excepting the prenups exhibiting a zenith of eccentricity and compelling partners to vacate the country upon divorce, I see a prenup as a discussion of finances only. (Gosh, that was a terribly-written sentence!) I am a firm believer in discussing finances regularly as part of a healthy relationship. Doesn’t matter if the relationship is business, romantic, or something in between. If there’s money involved, a discussion about said funds will need to take place.

In light of all that, here’s what I’ve come up with as basic terms for my prenup, should I ever need one:

• Full disclosure of personal financial history. “Why did you spend your last $500 on a pair of shoes?” seems like a question best asked when that $500 didn’t represent the dregs of a joint account. I expect to answer a few questions as well. I have good answers for all but one of them.
• There are a lot of smaller details that I’ll refrain from mentioning due to the propensity of some to read big climbs into short hills. =)
• Upon divorce, ownership of all assets, save for a specific sum held in escrow from the day of signing, will be transferred to a charity.

Your thoughts?

image: source

In the spirit of all the list posts floating around looking forward to 2010 and back at the previous decade, I’ve decided to make a different sort of list. This is a list of mistakes. A list of things I’ve learned from in the past and am reminded of constantly as I run into others making the same blunders.

Context: My experience is in entertainment and last-mile logistics.

1. I failed to verbally acknowledge stressful moments

There’s a line between exchanges that boost morale and encouraging inappropriate personal disclosure. In my case, I failed to share enough and it cost me many valuable learning and morale-boosting moments. Why? Because I’m a pro at smiling when I don’t feel like it. I can have a rotten day and choose to grin through it. I can hide my pain when I have a job to do. Most people struggle with that and such a struggle can lead to rotten service and unhappy customers if left unchecked. I was working so hard to lead by example that I forgot to tune others in to what I was doing. That was a mistake.

2. I maintained pet peeves

Sometimes a piece of gum isn’t worth fighting over.

3. I neglected consistent contributors

It’s easy to spend a lot of time on a few “problem” employees and end up fostering resentment in the stellar contributors who show up on time and give 100% every day. Mitigating factors aside, I failed to sufficiently recognize those who made a difference on a daily basis. That was a mistake.

4. I overlooked individual goals in pursuit of business targets

People fulfill the requirements of their job descriptions in order to get a paycheck. They do remarkable work for other reasons. Looking back, I can think of times when I failed to connect an individual’s goals with those of the organization we worked for in a way that left us both feeling like a win could be had. That was a mistake.

5. I failed to show the people working for me that I cared about them as individuals

As the middle of 11 children, you’d think I might know a thing or two about falling through the cracks of an organization. Growing up, my father scheduled one-on-one time with each kid as a way to make sure nobody felt left outside the huddle. While I in no way view myself as a father figure, there have been times when I would have done well to take a page from my dad’s play book and scheduled more short meetings to check in with employees. 70 people is not so many that any should have felt like I didn’t know who they were as valuable individuals. That has happened, though, and it was a mistake.

6. I failed to take proper care of myself

Happy people do great work. I can look back and identify times when I should have taken time off, exercised regularly, eat better, pursued outside interests and generally set a better example for those working for me. Fewer mistakes in my personal life would have translated into a stronger and more attentive presence in my work life. I didn’t take great care of myself and ended up missing out on some cool moments and great opportunities because of it.

7. I spent more time optimizing machines for pennies than I did investing in people for dollars

The inclination to micromanage is never far behind an increase in power. Micromanaging leads to a laundry list of idiocy that fuels a cycle of unhappiness and results that seem to come only through blood and tears. Loyalty and enthusiasm aren’t easily tracked on a spreadsheet so increasing morale is often the last thing on a list of ways to improve profits. That’s a big mistake. I’m one of the people who has made it before and I fear that the temptation to do so again will always be there.

I’m sure there are others that I may be reminded of shortly but these seven are the first that came to mind in writing this post. Why would I write something like this? Why would I admit to having made mistakes? I don’t see much value in pretending to be perfect. My mistakes aren’t remarkable. My only chance at progress is found in learning from my stumbles and finding ways to avoid new blunders in the future.

What mistakes do you look forward to avoiding in the years ahead?

Truth isn’t all about joy and beauty. It has an unsavory side that often conjures images of loneliness, perspiration, and pain. Here’s a bit of the latter:

How To Make Money By Writing A Blog

Write without pay until somebody offers to pay. ~Mark Twain

The web is flush with purse-snatchers and trust agents who exhort you to build a community then monetize it with calls to action and promises of overnight success. They tell you to follow your passions, to hustle, and to keep your eye on the prize.

Ignore them.

The web has changed the way we identify and toil for prizes.

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I stand across from the bespectacled man, breath bated, waiting for him to reach out and allow me to grasp the much-lauded future of electronic reading devices: the Nook. Beneath the august names bolted to the painted concrete storefront is a word that explains the birth of this Kindle killer. “Bookseller” says the sign in glowing green letters. That’s what this device, this gray bit of plastic that reminds me vaguely of a knobless Etch-a-sketch, is intended to do: sell books.

Smiling like a junior high school student who knows something I don’t know, this man whose breath somehow seems to steam in a warm room–his name is Gary–refuses to let me hold the Nook as he expounds upon its features. I hear, “2 Gigabytes of memory” and “share books with friends for free” as the tech-enthralled beast inside me grows ever more angry at this character for holding out on me. He continues his pitch with, “You can take notes and search for…” but I can wait no longer.

“Gary, could you hand me that Nook? I’d like that.” Gary reluctantly gives up this precious harbinger of literature’s future.

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Are you participating in social media with the same joy as when you first realized that people in Japan would comment on what type of breakfast cereal you prefer? From recent observations, my guess would be that you’ve lost your original spark.

I’ve noted the biggest changes in people who fall into three categories:

1. Monetizers – You don’t have to be currently making money through social media to fall into this category. You simply need to want it. If you find yourself talking about, “Crushing trust agents with transparent authenticity.” chances are good that you’re not having as much fun as you might otherwise.

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