I think we as humans find it much easier to relate to negativity online than to any of the positive stuff. There's some sort of balance to be found between trying to encourage others and letting them know that I appreciate encouragement sometimes, too. It's a balance I'm still looking for. Sometimes I nearly find it and those are the best times.

thanks!

(How did I miss this post?!)

Two grandparents passed away within a week of each other, end of May / early June. This year was the second anniversary of their deaths. I posted a little blurb on Twitter, and you noticed, Seth. It made all the difference in the world. Truly, thanks.

I do unfollow / unsubscribe feeds of those who have sad days _every day_…. because often, they're often not really sad/bad days.. they are a series of mole-hill inconveniences and petty complaints. I wouldn't be caught dead posting such whining online, and certainly not spewing such things in real life.

Before vocalizing sadness or complaining (in real life or online) I ask myself:

1. Should I be sad/upset or am I just complaining?

Is the situation really as bad as I'm thinking it is? Or, am I just PMSing or being affected by outside circumstances that are making the situation seem larger than it really is?

2. What is my purpose in my saying this?

Examples: Honoring people whom I loved, pointing out a problem yet offering a solution for the benefit of others OR asking for help in finding a solution, turning a sad/bad situation into a comical situation (like my Pharmaceutical Adventure post) or to encourage others who are in the same situation, or capturing a particularly sad moment to remember it forever.

2. Will posting this hurt those who read it? and b) do I have permission from the person to mention the situation if it's particularly obvious as to whom I am referring? c) especially if it was a private or sensitive situation?

If there is an ongoing conflict or point of sadness that needs to be resolved, venting online, especially without doing anything to resolve the situation first, doesn't help. It just makes the situation _worse_.

3. Have I done everything within my power to resolve the situation in person before talking about it online (that is, with others)?

- – -

When I read posts on sadness, I look to see how people are coping with sadness – especially, the real, profound kind. I wonder how life changes affect people – job loss, loss of a loved one, a very disappointing circumstance after trying very hard for something, how parents cope with children abusing drugs, etc. I am fascinated by constructive ways to express sadness. I like to see how people capture the exact feelings of the moment — beyond, “I'm sad”.

One of my favorite blogs, http://6yearmed.blogspot.com/, is by a med student who works in the children's (Grammar Girl answered my question this week! I CAN now write “children'S without losing sleep!) cancer ward. She journals interactions with young patients who are dying (identities protected). I have learned a lot _about life_ from reading about that kind of sadness.

Great question, Seth. Thanks for posting.

It's always a healthy thing to take some time offline and pursue analog interests, I've found. I know I appreciated my desk more after a weekend of hiking than I would have otherwise.

As for social dynamics, it seems the the insular nature of web interactions brings out extremes. Not sure it causes any permanent changes though. Life is full of quick fixes for swollen heads!

The idea of a Facebook or Twitter “support group,” for some reason, scares me a bit. What an odd dynamic. =)

As we grow accustomed to communicating electronically and figure out who's there for the distance and who doesn't care, I think it'll become easier to reach out when we're having a bad day. It just takes some work and a lot of patience. Most relationships are like that though.

I'm glad to see you! You have a very brave blog. =)

I'm particularly curious about how the broader-scale 'denial of negativity' I see within the social web will effect our collective emotional health in the long run. Exposing your emotional baggage out in the open is hardly an effective way to amass followers and earn positive attention. As such, people tend to portray themselves as bulletproof within these channels and rarely expose any of their weaknesses.

I'm no therapist, but this certainly doesn't sound like it will result in a healthy measuring stick for the average identity to live up to.