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Do you give to people who ask you for money? How do you respond to those who ask for your time? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and, as you’ll see in the video, was recently faced with an opportunity to follow through on my decision just as I’d made it.
I’d love to get your take on this. How do you decide when to give and when to withhold? Do you have an amount of time or money that you set aside to give each week?
I give to support people and ideas & art, along with entrepreneurship and pretty much anyone who asks nicely about anything. What’s the cost? One email? one tweet? one short blog post? “But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.” – Conan
who I say No to: people lacking consideration, and the homeless pack of 5 guys outside of the Circle K, who harp at your car window, downtown.
If someone needs help, and it is within my power to help, I help.
When I give, it is with no expectations or strings attached. I do my best to make sure that they feel loved and not judged by my gift. If a person returns the favor, I am always pleasantly surprised.
My home in the states is a suburb of Philadelphia. Some of the “beggars” put their arm around you while you’re walking and ask for money. This is kinda scary/intimidating. To me, this is more like bullying, not begging. I don’t give to bullies. I have been known to stop and talk to them for a moment, though. Back home, I volunteered for and donated to a number of organizations that helped homeless. I would let them know about these places — “you can get a good, free dinner, and a new set of clothes, no questions asked.” Sometimes, I’d hear about them stopping by and mentioning the red-head who told them about the free meal.
RE: Twitter / online favors — It depends on what it is.
Giving a monetary gift is an obligation-free, one time deal.
Linking to someone on your page or promoting something via Twitter is an endorsement. When people ask, it is because they are hoping that you will tell your audience about their site/product.
Your audience trusts you as a “gatekeeper”. Keep your audience in mind before you grant a favor, and don’t betray their trust.
My response to favors I cannot give, “I am proud of you for your business endeavors and I will keep your site information on file. If someone asks about ___ I will be happy to refer them to you. Unfortunately, your product/site does not appeal to my general audience and it would be counter-productive for both of us for me to endorse you.”
Two cases last night: Case #1 – My husband and I were on a date and went to a Chinese restaurant which shared a store front space with a liquor store. A man was next to the Chinese restaurant and was asking for money as people went inside. He asked us and my husband said we didn’t have any cash, but we’d be happy to buy him dinner. He was very receptive to this, though when we invited him in to sit with us while he ate, he declined saying the restaurant didn’t want him in there. But we ordered and I brought him a drink first and told him it would be 10 minutes before the food was ready. He seemed very surprised and appreciative when I handed him the Diet Coke. Ten minutes later my husband took the food out to him. When we left 30 minutes later he was gone.
Case #2 – Three hours later (9:30pm) I was taking something to a friend’s house in the city proper. At a stop light, a man with a crazy look on his face came up to my van while I was stopped and put his face right up to the window asking for something. Even though I had three bags of food sitting next to me for this express purpose, he scared me so badly all I could do was quickly lock the door and shake my head no. And I shook all the rest of the way to my friend’s house.
One seemed sincere in both the asking and the accepting. One seemed very intimidating and scary.
It’s hard to know what to do all the time. I still wonder if that was the right move or not.
I have responded at length on my blog about this. http://www.michebel.blogspot.com Great topic! Very thought-provoking (as always).
Cheers,
Miche
Sometimes. I am reluctant to support one’s drug and alcohol habits even thought I appreciate what it’s like to have demons. So I tend to give more to the shelters and organizations that help the homeless. However, even if I have no evidence, if I get the sense that the person might not be a drug addict but just in a bad way, then I make an exception and slip him or her a few bucks.
You know, it is such an interesting question. I typically give to “beggars” but I do tend to evaluate the context. If I perceive it as abusive (I used to see this a lot in San Francisco)….kids begging on the street when they were clearly students and just decided to check out of life and not rely on Mommy & Daddy, then I definitely would not. The crazy guy in the subway or at the highway intersection, I tend to give because I haven’t walked in their shoes, I have no idea what their story is, but I can’t imagine what it must be like to have to resort to doing that. As a Pisces, I am an endless pool of empathy and basically will give up anything if it helps someone.
When it comes to animals, however, no holds bar. I’d rescue every homeless dog or cat that I could, and give all my money away to animal shelters. To me they are the most helpless and innocent.
It is true that you have to be very leery of people who will take advantage of your generosity….especially on-line…but at the end of the day, you can’t run away from karma.
Many lives, many masters my friend.