I’ve been reading Josef Pieper’s Happiness & Contemplation. Take a gander at this quote from page 73:

What constitutes contemplation? First: silent perception of reality. Second: not thinking, but intuition; intuition is knowledge of what is present. Third: knowing accompanied by amazement. Only one who does not see the whole can be amazed.

I added the emphasis to the last portion because it resonates so strongly with me.

So often I am cloaked in this undulating shroud of ungrateful discontent. So often I see a person or set of circumstances and am immediately drawn into an examination of the wrong and lacking in the situation. Why? Because I forget or willfully overlook the fact that I do not see the whole of the matter at hand.

It’s easy to find her annoying until I try to comprehend the greater whole and, realizing I do not see it all, am surprised that she puts up with my behavior and does not find me simple-minded. I can be amazed only after recognizing that there are parts of the situation I do not comprehend.

It’s so comfortable to look at just a few inputs and decide that a project is stupid and not worth my time. But when I step back and try to comprehend the expectations, investments, and disappointments of all involved, I see that my initial declaration of waste was based on an incredibly limited perspective.

Approaching situations with “knowing accompanied by amazement,” that is, my existing knowledge tempered by the understanding that I cannot entirely grasp the whole, is something I’m trying to do more of.

It’s something to think about, to remember, or to possibly forget immediately. The choice is yours.

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In the interest of disclosure: I am not currently seeking nor do I intend to seek marriage or other civil partnership with any individual of current acquaintance.

That said, I’m still thinking about how I’d like to construct a prenup. Here are my initial thoughts:

• I’ve often heard that you cannot sign a prenup if you are truly marrying for love. I get where that idea comes from but I disagree. I think it’s good to have one’s “final papers” in order before it’s too late. Think of a prenup as you would a clearly marked fire escape in a restaurant. Fewer than 50% of restaurants burn down (clearly outpacing divorce rates) and yet most of use would feel uncomfortable if we didn’t have a way to get out in case of fire.
• Excepting the prenups exhibiting a zenith of eccentricity and compelling partners to vacate the country upon divorce, I see a prenup as a discussion of finances only. (Gosh, that was a terribly-written sentence!) I am a firm believer in discussing finances regularly as part of a healthy relationship. Doesn’t matter if the relationship is business, romantic, or something in between. If there’s money involved, a discussion about said funds will need to take place.

In light of all that, here’s what I’ve come up with as basic terms for my prenup, should I ever need one:

• Full disclosure of personal financial history. “Why did you spend your last $500 on a pair of shoes?” seems like a question best asked when that $500 didn’t represent the dregs of a joint account. I expect to answer a few questions as well. I have good answers for all but one of them.
• There are a lot of smaller details that I’ll refrain from mentioning due to the propensity of some to read big climbs into short hills. =)
• Upon divorce, ownership of all assets, save for a specific sum held in escrow from the day of signing, will be transferred to a charity.

Your thoughts?

image: source

Do you remember what it felt like to wear snowpants and mittens on a bright snowy day?

You felt invincible. The snow couldn’t hurt you because you we wearing your trusty snowpants and mittens. Instead of staying inside, you were empowered (or in my case, ordered by your mother) to explore all that the snow had changed in your world.

Then you got older and stopped playing in the snow. There were a few snowball fights in highschool and that one time in college when you streaked across the commons in January. But that’s it. No more building forts or tunneling through snowbanks.

There’s no need for me to worry about you losing your sense of adventure, is there? Surely you’ve replaced tunnelling through snowbanks with exciting projects that just so happen to not require snowpants or mittens? You’ve continued bundling up for adventures and leaping into the unknown with cries of delight. Haven’t you? No?

You must be miserable.

I don’t wear snowpants anymore but I’ve managed to hold onto some of the joyous bravado of my early days. How? It’s pretty simple. That’s right. I’m going to pour you a steaming mug of advice on how you can feel like you’ve got snowpants and mittens on. For free? Yes. For free. Ridiculous!

1. Get two different kinds of nekkid- When dealing with metaphorical snow, it’s often in comfort with exposure that we find the best protection. I recommend having at least one friend who knows the details of something you’re struggling with. Accountability is often a result of such disclosure, but that’s not what we’re concerned with just yet. The key thing here is to have at least one person you’re NOT sleeping with who gets the regular dirt on your life. When it comes to the one you do the naughty and get annoyed over stupid things with, I suggest you stop taking your clothes off and actually get nekkid. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go ask your mother. (That always worked for my dad as an answer. I figured I’d try it out.)
2. Take baby steps in scary directions- You’ve probably heard the, “do one thing every day that scares you” pitch? That’s resulted in a lot of scary-looking people getting laid but not much else. Most of us aren’t at the point where we can leap at things that terrify us. In fact, it’s often considered a disorder for one to be attracted to risky behavior. Where’s the balance between sleeping with ogres and turning into Miss Havisham? Baby steps. Pick a direction, take a step in that direction, mark your progress, and take another step once you’ve gotten used to the temperature. It’s a lot like getting into a cold pool. Once you’re up to your knees you say, “oh, enough of waiting!” and jump in. I should note that wearing real snowpants won’t do much to protect you if you’re trying to swim in icy water. It’ll probably help you drown, to be Frank.
3. Get some Thinsulation- When you think of insulation, you probably think of either the scratchy pink stuff in your walls or the sort of behavior that plagues most political systems. For just a moment I’d like you to think of insulation as something that protects you and gives a bit of padding for when you leap and don’t land exactly as you’d planned. I want you to think of Kevlar snowpants strong and warm enough that you could slide down a snowy mountain on your butt while wearing them. That’s the sort of insulation you want. The empowering sort of insulation that gives stupidly impossible things a glimmer of plausibility. We’re talking about Thinsulation! How can you arm yourself with such magnificent insulation? By figuring out what really, truly matters to you in life and doing your best to make the rest slip into place as you have time. Not sure what that entails? Start by getting nekkid and taking some baby steps. You’ll find your way soon enough.

Was that as good for you as it was for me? I hope so. Cigarette? No? I don’t smoke either.

What makes you feel invincible?

If I spent three minutes with you, starting right now, would I come away with a complete understanding of you as a person?

Of course I wouldn’t! I’d have only a glimpse, a snapshot, of what you are like.

So why do we judge so quickly? Because doing so is expedient and protects us from what we perceive to be undue risk.

Of course, that means one is often alone when the preference is nearly always to be in the company of some ultimately desirable person. Not a sexy deal, right? The internet makes it even worse.

Perhaps “worse” isn’t the right word. The insular nature of web interactions certainly seems to stir up any latent tendencies to see things as cut-and-dried instead of wildly fluid.

This past weekend, I watched as a very attractive woman gave her authentic cold shoulder to a gentleman seemingly in her age group and with no blatantly negative features. I walked over directly and struck up a conversation with her. After a moment or two, I asked her why she’d pulled the blinds on suitor #1.

“Oh, he didn’t seem that interesting.”

Then I did the unthinkable. I lied. I told her how I’d spoken with him just a few minutes earlier [I hadn't] and shared a few interesting morsels from the conversation. She watched him make his way through the room as I filled her head with anything interesting I could think of.

He was no longer another bumbling bloke who’d noticed her low-cut top from across the bar. He was a conversational creature with interesting stories to tell. Now he was worth talking to.

Isn’t it interesting how one can go from apathetic to pantingly interested with just a few bits of information? It would be nice to think that Facebook profiles and tweet streams provide enough information to make smarter decisions about the people we spend time with. But they don’t seem to. They render just another snapshot of a shifting shadow.

Keep collecting snapshots of different people. Just don’t forget to circle back and get more of the same people from different angles. You’ll be thrilled to find that when you put effort into learning about good people, good things happen. You might find love. You might find work. You might find a friend to make you stronger.

If you’ve been to the Louvre and seen the Mona Lisa as I have, you already know about the painting hung just a few paces away of the same model three years later. As it turns out the Mona Lisa doesn’t just smile.

She grins.

Image: source

A recent resolution of mine is to spend as little time as possible with people who wholly prefer commentary to creation.

An analog example of this would be the decision to spend less time with friends who like to hang out chatting in bars and join an amateur racing outfit as a mechanic.

In the digital world, there’s some crossover between commentary and creation. One could say that in writing this post I am creating something. Am I? If so, it courts the line between creation and commentary with a definite lean toward commentary.

And that’s okay. Just not all the time.

What I’m seeing more and more of lately online, especially in social media circles, is the drive to comment rather than create. We’ve a rash of punditry that doesn’t give any signs of going away. The heart is in the right place. Haven’t we been told that if the whole world would just sit down for a talk we’d figure out all our problems? A good conversation has the ability to inspire, challenge, and even heal.

But there’s a problem when we have conversations for their own sake. Like the child who sings because the darkness is less frightening when there’s familiar noise, we shuffle toward our best guess at success.

You don’t need to sing louder than your fears anymore. Use your favorite social media platform, grab a friend, and take some time away from commentary to create something you can be proud of.

To say that it will be difficult to do so is an understatement. You’ll sweat blood for it. Good luck to us both.

Image: Fire

It seems that we don’t use names the way we once did. There was a time when using another’s first name implied a certain level of relationship. We’d talk about George Clooney and refer to him as “George Clooney” and not “George.”

Then new media rolled up the beach. The 160 character limits of SMS meant brevity trumped propriety and in walked a new way of relating.

We’re all on a first-name basis now. George Clooney isn’t “George Clooney” because he’s replied to some of my tweets. He’s just “George” now. While the PR types seem pretty happy with the “cocktail party” atmosphere, they have little skin in the more personal side of online interactions.

When everybody is on a first-name basis, a level of intimacy is lost. While you once might have gone from calling me, “Mr. Simonds” to “Seth” as a way of expressing more intimate conversation, your words would be lost on me today. Just like George, everybody calls me Seth these days.

So how does one regain the intimate tone lost to new media? By replacing proper names with pronouns.

“Hi, Seth!” becomes, “Hey you!” (mostly from females)

“Hey Seth!” becomes, “Hey man” (primarily from males)

Isn’t that interesting?

Image: Ride

My heart is filled with gladness.

I sauntered into my local library this afternoon and requested a library card. The kind librarian (have you ever met an unkind librarian?) apologized because they only had the keychain-size cards available.

“We’ve had so many people sign up for library cards this week that we haven’t had time to get new ones in yet. I’m so sorry!”

There was no need to apologize. I assured her that I couldn’t have been happier at the news. They don’t have a grocery store in this post-Katrina seaside community. But they have a library and people are flocking to it as a resource.

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