If you logged into Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, or any number of social networking sites and declared, “I’m having a terrible day” what would the general reaction be?
The fast pace of social media rewards emotional extremes. Users are either very upbeat or quickly trip into heated discussions with resident trolls. There’s little room for regular people to have a bad day and reach out for a kind word. When they finally do reach out, responses are often obligatory in nature.
Don’t believe me? Try telling your friends and followers that you’re having a bad day. A small percentage will offer to listen. The rest will bludgeon you with well-intentioned factoids about how good your life is (as if they knew) and how you should smile and be happy.
But sometimes we just don’t want to be happy. We want to feel sadness. Perhaps we even need to feel it in order to work through a personal struggle.
Those are the times when true connections are revealed. Want to be a better friend online? Here are a few tips I’ve found useful in my interactions with others.
- When somebody admits to sadness, follow my Aunt Dorothy’s advice: “When a friend is sad, use the two’s. Keep your one mouth shut, breathe through your two nostrils, listen with both ears, and watch with both eyes.” My aunt has a tendency to run over household pets with her car but she’s a savvy listener and friend to many. Most of us tend to quickly judge situations and offer unsolicited advice. Stop. Use your “two’s” and offer to listen first.
- Offer to take a conversation to another level. You don’t need to spend an hour chatting on the phone or meet for coffee. A few minutes will do to show that you care and want to help. Seeing the smiling face of a caring friend, even when it’s through a video chat screen, can work wonders to peel away some of the sadness we’re all cloaked with at times.
- Don’t say anything if you don’t have the time to follow through on your offer to help chase away the sadness. Sharing misery online is a big step for most people. Don’t make them regret the risk by reaching out only to shrug them off because you’re busy.
It’s easy to talk about authenticity and the need for transparent conversations online. However, the reality is that we filter our interactions and hold back on many bits of conversation and emotion that might be construed as uncool or depressing.
Am I suggesting that you should make an effort to say depressing things online? Not at all. But if you happen to see someone in your network hint at having a bad day, try reaching out with a smile.
The people who are comfortable with us being sad are usually the best at making us happy. I like the idea of having a network that knows how to make me smile.
What about you?
Click to share this post on Twitter
